My journey to Focus is pretty simple. I have always been pretty confident and sure of myself because my mom always made sure I knew how valuable God said I was. However, through different events and circumstances starting after high school graduation, my confidence slowly began to take a beating. Most recently this last semester, I was just struggling with feeling significant and finding my place in God's plan. I felt pretty much worthless and as if nothing I did mattered to anyone. I got annoyed with that feeling pretty quickly, but I wasn't sure what to do about it. I started thinking about my future and where I was going to go after college and basically being dramatic. I tend to over react a lot and act as if the world is coming to an end. This fortunately was another false alarm. I decided to go to take advantage of the career counseling services that Howard Payne offers because my room mate had such success with it. Turns out my counselor had been a student at Focus one summer and had an open chair to hand down to someone that came with a scholarship, and he really thought it would be perfect for me. I went straight to my room, printed out the application and turned it in about two weeks later.
I didn't apply for anything else because I had a confidence that this is what God had for me. I was already telling people I was moving to Colorado and how awesome it would be if they would come and visit me!
Well a few days before my acceptance, I came across the verse in Proverbs 27
1 Do not boast about tomorrow for you do not know what a day may bring forth.
I PANICKED! I thought this was God's way of preparing me for denied acceptance. I immediately shut up about the entire summer and waited patiently for the call. Of course it came about a week later while I was in class and I couldn't even focus. That was around 10 and I had class until 3 so the whole day was just filled with anxiety. Well obviously I found out I was accepted, and now I'm here!
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Today, we spent a good portion of the day out in Black Forest National Park about 15 minutes away from our apartment. It was absolutely gorgeous. The whole idea of being outside and not breaking a sweat is so new to me. I expect to walk outside and be hit with an extreme wave of heat, but instead I get a cool pleasant breeze.
The day consisted of team building activities and just getting to know one another. In these two short days I have already heard from God, and seen Him through the staff and students. It's hard leaving Howard Payne for the summers because you know you won't have those people to walk along side you and spur you towards righteousness, but God has filled that void this summer. These people are awesome. We are each so different and come from different places, but at this point, our paths have crossed.
I have a lot of expectations for the summer, but more than anything I expect restoration. God is revealing to me how much a don't know. Because being a Christian is all I've ever known, I recently discovered I have a sort of pride that tells me I've got this down. Surely I know everything by know. WRONG. I am hearing messages I've heard tons of times and yet I'm hearing the for the first time. I am seeing how much I don't know, and how little I understand about God. I know that's why I am not able to love others and Him like I am called to. I don't know the designer and the creator of love. I have had a sort of complacent pride and apathy towards spiritual things, and I am broken in the revealing of that. Who am I to think that I understand God. Ha. I'm sure He's amused.
But any who...I know I have a lot of things to work through. This summer is going to challenge me and force me to visit parts of my life that I prefer to not deal with. However, I'm stoked.
I just ask for you prayers that I would take full advantage of this opportunity!
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On a lighter note....
My hair doesn't frizz here, but I'm honestly having a harder time with it than I thought I would. For the first time in my entire life my hair knows no volume. So all of y'all who give me a hard time...your jokes aren't valid here. However, I looked in the mirror yesterday and some of my hair was straight. STRAIGHT! What is that?! I wasn't liking it at all. These big cheeks don't look good with flat hair. . . ehh . . .
OH MY GOSH! There is literally every store and eating place a girl could want within a ten mile radius. Goodwill and Chick-fil-A are less than half a mile from where I live. WHAT! WHAT! God knows me.
The weather is great as I mentioned earlier. I check the weather back home just to see what I'm "missing out on." And then I text my mom to boast about it. That's biblical...
Oh! I love my apartment! I feel like a grown up, even though I had a peanut butter and honey sandwich with a caprisun for dinner. Yeah...life's good here. The girls I live with are super awesome. We have already have such deep conversations. Tonight a good group of us just sat an apartment and talked for a good hour about embarrassing moments and funny things we've been through. It was awesome to see how God is present through those times and how He uses community and fellowship to bring glory to Himself.
I'm sure there is tons I'm leaving out, but I see the reason why it's good to blog every day. I can't even remember or begin to type everything that happen yesterday and today. I'm gonna try by best to get to this everyday, and hopefully they won't be as long.
Y'all are awesome! Thank you for your prayers!
-Gabi :)
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