I have been meaning to write this blog for weeks, but after typing a 12,000 word essay over a topic that continues to show me how much I don't know, I didn't even want to look at a computer. I am in that stage in life where I literally know nothing. I am not sure of anything. At times, Satan wanted to bring up old struggles with doubt and even my salvation did not seem secure at times. There is no greater struggle than that. That is a spiritual battle that is very real and has been very strong in my life since I began to actively serve the Lord. We all know what that's like. It seems that life gets more challenging yet so much sweeter with the Lord. I am getting a little bit off topic...but I came to this beautiful realization a few weeks ago and I just had to share it with the world wide web. In all honesty, this is just a good place for me to throw up all the lessons I have been learning lately.
Let me set up the scene for you. This is going to be a story first...then I'll explain. :)
I was at my last day of what I have referred to as my "desk job." My family couldn't keep the jobs straight, so I would either say I'm going to my "desk job" or "the ballpark." It was just easier that way. I was on less than "E" in my car, and I just happened to be running late. I was going to put just enough to get me to and from work, but something told me to go ahead and put a little more in the tank that day. I obeyed this "something." I got to work late, but I just decided to stay a bit later. Plus it was my last day so I was just finishing up a project and really didn't have anything else to do that day.
Anyway...Taylor (my boo thang) called just before I was about to get off work and told me the job he was told he had fell through and had received an offer that morning to go help out with a camp in Minnesota for a couple weeks. That is a long story in itself, but anyway, he planned to fly out the next day. We had made plans to hang out that next week since we hadn't seen each other in a couple weeks, but since he was leaving we decided to just have dinner together after I got off. Since I had already driven 45 minutes to work it only meant he had to drive an hour so it worked out. Those are details that I really didn't need to share, but it's too late to backspace.
So we hung out that evening until close to midnight, then we both headed home. I headed home and did not even thinking about plugging in my address to my GPS because I had driven this road all summer. I went off on my merry little way and came to the I-20 E exit like I always do, only to find it was closed...umm...whaaaattt? I drove down 360 for a bit thinking I would see a sign for some major road I know...nope...I don't know roads. So as if being lost isn't sketchy enough, I was attempting to plug in my address into my phone while driving at night. It gets better. I had run out of the right prescription contacts a few days before and was using a weaker set. I hadn't notice any difference, but that was because I had not driven at night yet. Every light was a huge blur...that blurred into another blur...I couldn't see signs until I was up close to them. It would have been alright if I wasn't lost, but thank THE LORD I had listened to the "something" that told me to put extra gas in my car. Be glad that you can read this story stress free because you know I'm alive, but I wasn't confident that I was going to make it home that night. Driving has always been a huge fear of mine, but I had improved a lot since I had been driving a lot this summer, but this was a set back to say the least. I decided to head back on 360, then get on 30 because that's what I knew. The GPS took me home from there.
However, as I'm sure you have guessed, I began to cry in the middle of that lovely nightmare...God began to show me something.
This summer was an overwhelming one. I was working 2 internships, both of which required a 45 minute drive both ways, and writing my senior thesis and struggling to find time to spend with Taylor. I knew I wanted to live at home this summer because I wanted to make sure I got time with my family before the "future" started. I have no idea whats going to happen, but I like to be prepared. However, I wasn't sure if I had done the right thing because I rarely saw them and I had zero community to offer encouragement or correct me (in love of course). I began to think this summer was a waste, but God proved himself to be faithful once again...here's the connection;
Living at home, working 2 jobs, writing a thesis, and trying to invest in a somewhat long distance relationship took me on roads that I had never been on before. I may not always know the roads I am going on, but even if I feel like I do I must always be ready with a full tank of gas, a GPS set on home, and clear vision. I am speaking both literally and figuratively. This makes so much sense in my head and putting it down in words is proving to be so much more complicated than I expected.
Anyhow, I did not know what this summer or even that day held. Some days are more predictable than the next, and that is why we all must always be prepared...constantly seeking, learning, growing. Jesus had been praying for 40 days in preparation for the temptations He knew Satan would bring. Satan hasn't changed. He still desires to steal, kill, and destroy. You never know when your regular "exit" may be closed.
God showed me in that horribly awful moment on Loop 12 that I had learned a lot. These different circumstances had taught me things that I didn't know before this summer. I learned more about myself and more about God's heart from interacting with my bosses, co-workers, customers, family, and boyfriend. Some conversations were deeper than others, but I learned from every circumstance, and just as I began to grow comfortable God reminded that He never wants me to be so comfortable that I forget about Him. And that EVERY season of life has a purpose.
My thoughts were all over the place and it makes so much more sense in my head, but I just want you to know that if you are in a time of life where you feel like nothing is happening...He is faithful.
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