Reflection

When I look back on my life this past year I am on the verge of feeling depressed. If I could describe what this year was for me in one word it would be selfish. I took and took and took. That's all I did. It disgusts me to even think about it honestly.

I ended Senior year just worrying about money, school, and work. I worked during the summer at a church camp yeah...but that was for money as well. So how selfless could that be? Not very. But it was a huge growing experience for me and God allowed me to build so many friendships there.

Then this school year I told myself that I deserved a break and needed to be fed spiritually...wow! A break?! Really?! From what?! God?! It sounds so weird thinking about it. I took a break from God. And I didn't get fed at all because I didn't put myself in the position to grow. I didn't have a small group or any sort of group I leaned on to help me grow or help others grow. Unfortunately, I think a lot of us do the same thing. We sit back and say, "I've done enough. It's time to let others do the work for a bit." The truth is we are only hurting ourselves. We miss out on the joy of being used by God.

Another thing I did this year was wake up with no purpose but the fact that I had to go to class haha or for some of us it's work. Our purpose everyday in waking up is to glorify God. All these other things we do are  worldy things. They are nothing eternally.

My thoughts are all over the place right now! AHH!

I just found myself going from place to place in my own little world, making myself busier than I actually was, ignoring the people around me, and so on just to avoid what I feel God calls me to do. I'm supposed to share as I go. Love people as I go. I can honestly say I did known of that. Countless times I went into stores and encountered people that God has placed in my life at that certain time and I ignored the opportunity and told myself that God would lead someone else to them. They would find out someway.

I just really encourage you (and myself included in all this) live a life that's selfless. We hear it all the time, but we constantly make excuses and find ways around it. Surround yourself with other believers to strengthen you and help you grow. And as you grow, go! The number one thing is to be available to what God is ready to do. Don't limit what He can do and say, "There's no way God would have me do that." No one would have ever imagined God sending Jesus Christ down through a young virgin. Mary was ready. She didn't make excuses. She allowed God to work in her life and use her to grow His kingdom.

There is Beauty in Conviction

I don't even know how to explain this, but it is something I have been thinking about lately. 

Are we only sorry for our sin because people can see it?

I have recently encountered situations where I have had to ask myself this question. I have observed it in my own life many times this week. Why do we let some sins slip by and then others we choose to feel bad about? 

This week I unintentionally made fun of someone, and immediately felt ashamed because some of my professors and other leaders were around. I was worried what they would think of me. First of all, it isn't as big of a deal as I am making it sound, but I tend to be dramatic when it comes to sin in my own life. Either way it was still a sin and Jesus would not have done what I did. 

It is good to worry about what others think of you because what you do can hurt or help your influence as a Christian, but our sin should first hit us because of the price that Jesus Christ paid for that sin. 

Conviction does bring some pain, but the Holy Spirit bringing us conviction is what draws us to God in the first place or at least makes us realize we are nothing without Him.

I don't know what I really wanted to say with all that, but I hope you can find something. =))

Consider it Pure Joy

The fact that I am at Howard Payne is a miracle in itself. I never thought I would be able to afford to go here or manage to get out of here with little to no debt, but my God is not bound by the things of this earth. The money and opportunities came out of nowhere. The decision to come here was a result of many hours of prayer along with many applications.

I absolutely love it here! I'm getting involved and becoming a part of something bigger than myself. God has big plans and Satan knows that and I know he's scared or he wouldn't be attacking like he is. I had been praying for a ministry and typically I would pray for music ministry because that's what I know best, but I wanted God to put me absolutely where He wanted me. Well obviously he wants me to continue to use music because I have the opportunity of leading worship for a youth group here in Brownwood next semester. Also, I have had the chance to get involved with our college worship service. It has been awesome seeing God answer those prayers, but it has been hard facing the attacks of the enemy. 

I feel like lately the attacks have been coming from every area of my life. Things that were once great are falling a part and I know God has purpose in these times. A passage from James 1 brings me comfort:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

These rough/unclear times are making me stronger. He is getting me prepared for what comes next. I expect God to do great things in my life for many reasons but mainly because He can and will. 

I should consider myself blessed that God would choose me to grow and mature for such an honorable position as leading His people in worship. 

It's hard to keep your head up when not so good things happen, but consider it pure joy.