To the Point

I have put a lot of pressure on myself to make my time here significant. I feel as if there needs to be one huge, life changing thing that happens…something that makes it “worth it.” I felt this pressure before I got here, and I fought it because I don’t want to try and make this time in my life fit into the mold of what I have seen others experience in similar situations. God is unique with each of us. He made us. He knows how to pursue each of us, and I know my time here is just another step in His pursuit of me.

Every day is another part of the journey towards becoming more like Christ. To be honest, I don’t really feel much like Him at the moment. I honestly don’t always feel saved. Some days I can’t make sense of the Gospel and others I really just prefer to do what I want rather than give consideration to what the Holy Spirit might be saying to me.  As someone who has struggled with doubt in the past, I have to force myself to look at Him when I doubt. I can’t save myself. He did/does all the work. As I was reminded at church on Sunday, He does the connecting. The point was made that some of us have spent years trying to be “saved” when the work has already been done. I work and work to make my prayers and quiet time feel a certain way. I can feel Him pursuing me, and I feel myself resisting. There’s this constant struggle between wanting to know more truth and knowing that “more truth” will most like draw me out of my current comfort.

I feel on the edge of spiritual breakthrough. I’m not sure whether that will look like a new revelation or just a renewed confidence in who He says I am. I really don’t pretend to understand how He works, although I do fall into the terrible habit of imagining how He might work.

All that to say, He is up to something. I just hope I’m ready. 

Cheers, 

Gabi 

Jika

I've typed at least three different introduction paragraphs, all of which I have hated, so let's just start. 

Just in case some of you think I'm on permanent vacation (I totally understand if you do. I don't take pictures at work.), I will assure you that I do in fact go to an office Monday through Friday. I work with the Focus marketing/communication department but mainly with Orphan Care and Development. The plan is to ultimately establish a website and blog to help share the message, vision, and stories of the orphan care points and hopefully, increase funding. Please be in prayer for that process. I love the people I work with! They have continued to make me feel just like one of them and go out of there way to make me feel included. 

When I'm not working...

Last week, my host family went to the coast for vacation. I joined them for the weekend then came back to work, but I managed to get as much as I could out of that two day vacation.

I tried to get yet another picture with the ocean, but sometimes the wind is too strong and the pictures come out like this.

Sarah and Noks! 

So they have animal farms in South Africa. We could all learn a thing or two from these pigs. 

This one's a freebie just 'cause I love the ocean.

This past weekend,

I ran my first 5K...ever. Not just in Africa, I mean like E.V.E.R. I am not a runner, and I know most people my age have at least run a 5K or maybe even a marathon before, but don't judge. Before I made the decision to come to Africa, I had been "training" for a 5K, and by "training," I mean running every now and then and making excuses as to why I wasn't ready. So I joined somewhat of a running club here that hosts a 5K free of charge every weekend at the Durban beachfront, and I just decided that I was tired of putting it off. So yeah this is me post-race. We won't talk about my time or what placed I finished...thank you. 

Then Sunday after church, we headed out to Durban Day, which is just one big outdoor concert.

15,000 people...all way too close to me. 

Noks, Me, Sarah

And my bff, froyo.

THE END. 

Also, I still enjoy getting emails and messages from home. The best way to contact me is via email at guerrero.gabi@yahoo.com. 

And of course, thank you all for your continued prayers. 

Cheers!

TMI

On the eve of my departure, I slept surprisingly well. I woke up without any nerves or a sick feeling in my stomach which is extremely abnormal considering I get sick to my stomach before driving through downtown Dallas. This is much bigger than that. Duh.

I felt at peace and very calm, which I know has everything to do with prayer. Thank you to all of you who have been praying. It is great to know that there are people interceding for me daily. 

It was nice to have my family altogether on the way to the airport. We acted as if I wasn't about to leave for half a year. My sister was such a huge help in all of this, especially in supporting my mom. My dad and brother are great too but in a different way...like for rolling luggage.

My sister bought all three of us these beautiful bracelets to make us feel as if we are together and to of course remind us to pray for each other. I know this isn't easy on my family (not that I'm the light of their life or anything) so as much as I need prayer, I need the reminder that they need it as well.

When I got on the plane, someone was in my seat. MY. WINDOW. SEAT. I am not a fan of conflict, and I didn't want to play the "I don't know what I'm doing. Have mercy on me," card so I kind of implied the guy was in my seat, and a nearby flight attendant had my back.

As we were pulling out I started to cry, and then, I decided I wasn't going to let this be sad, and I also found Frozen in the airlines movie selection. Just from what I had  heard...and heard...and heard again I could only infer that it might cheer me up a bit. It did. I don't think I'll be singing "Let it Go" on the regular, but I did enjoy it.

A month ago, my friend Sarah had a going away party for me, and for a lack of a better word "persuaded" some of my friends to write me encouraging notes. I could hear them giggling most of the time...and when I say "them" it was mostly Lillie because some of them did take it a little more serious. (Love you, Lils) While Lillie did write a sweet one, most of them consisted of sayings like "your heart is as big as your lips..." Anyway...I had been looking forward to reading them and totally forgot until about 5 hours into the flight so that was a nice treat. Ignore the ugly wire in the picture.

Many other people gave me encouraging letters and tokens before I left, and I know those are going to come in handy on my toughest days. 

I don't really know how many details I should share about my trip, and in all honesty, I can't remember much. I watched A LOT of movies and TV shows.

After a 15 hour flight, I landed in Dubai, and I was all out of whack. I remember feeling slightly delirious. I prayed for peace and calm, and God answered my prayer quickly in the form of PINK. BERRY. It was a little taste of home that I needed, and well ya know...froyo. I am pretty positive I took a picture before I ate it, but for whatever reason I can't find that picture...so here's a picture of the aftermath.

The flights were draining, so I was relieved to finally be in Durban after 36 hours. My host mom and I went to have coffee by the Durban beachfront and the coffee and the view did not disappoint. 

I have been here three full days so far and still feel very disoriented. I have met so many people, most with names I can barely pronounce. The roads are very confusing, even though I am just a passenger at the moment, but I definitely have no complaints about the view from my room.

I have been to the office where I will be volunteering and felt very welcome. The people remind me of all the wonderful people I was able to work with at Focus on the Family in Colorado.

I am still getting adjusted and trying to get over jet lag. I haven't started sleeping all the way through the night, but I am hoping that happens soon. Today was my first full day in the office, but I am watching training videos and going through orientation right now which works great because I am still kind of out of sorts. There are a few girls there my age which makes it a little easier. Today was a great day, and God answered my prayers for peace and joy this morning. One day at a time.

And to close, here's a little view of my "office." I got an official mug today and requested a sign with my name on it because I saw everyone else had one. #needy

South Africa FTW

Two years ago, I was running from a lot of things. Some of my "dreams" as a sophomore in college didn't quite come true. I was a little caught off-guard, and when things don't go my way I tend to reevaluate every decision I've ever made, and that definitely included my major. So I went to a career counselor at Howard Payne (who had me figured out within minutes) because I needed a little more guidance as far as my future career was concerned. While I didn't necessarily make a decision on a career that day, I was introduced to Focus Leadership Institute in Colorado Springs. I applied, was accepted, finished my semester, then packed up, and headed out to Colorado.

I had received a scholarship for that summer from the organization, most of us had, and as a part of the scholarship, we had to volunteer in some way that summer. Every Tuesday night we had dinner in a park as a "family," and I volunteered to pick up the catering every week. A girl named Lindsey also volunteered with me. We had many fun adventures picking up the food every week, and many awesome conversations that I know were strategically set up and directed by God. The last week, Lindsey mentioned to me that her sister interned abroad with Focus on the Family (the organization that set up the leadership institute). It was then that the seed was planted. 

I inquired about volunteering abroad, and about a year ago, I applied to intern in the Australian office. A lot of random things happened within the American and Australian offices between the time I applied and the time I got an answer that delayed the application process. As time went on, I was also losing my desire to go to Australia. I wasn't sure what I was going to do if they said "yes," because my doubts were no longer just doubts, they had become pretty secure convictions. My prayer was that the Lord would have their answer be His answer.

Last October I finally got my answer I had been waiting for...kind of...It was a "no to Australia, but what about South Africa?" Okay, God, really? Is that my answer? What am I supposed to do with that? That's not even an answer. It's just another question!

I wrestled with the Lord for the next few months. After talking with one of my precious friends who has been such a good mentor for me, I came to the conclusion that this was going to be the first big decision as an 'adult' that would show me exactly how the Lord communicates to me. I have had to make other decisions before but nothing like this. The way in which God was trying to get my attention this time was very different and distinct.

No matter what I did, I did not have a peace about saying 'no.' For those of you who know me, I have a self-sabotaging mindset that tends to make me miserable. If I'm happy, I think I'm doing something wrong, so I create situations to make myself somewhat miserable...and I try to label it as "suffering for Jesus." It sounds ridiculous I know, but it's totally real. So that's what I thought this was at first; me identifying the fact that I didn't want to go to South Africa, then saying that because I would be happiest here in America, I must go to South Africa. (And this is why I'm exhausted all the time.)

Without going into too much detail on how I felt the Lord telling me to go to South Africa, and what eventually led me to make the decision, I will just go ahead and spit it out.

I AM GOING TO SOUTH AFRICA!!!

I bought my plane ticket today so... it's official. I leave in August, and expect to stay there at least 3 months but am definitely hoping and praying for more. I will be volunteering as a marketing/communications intern with Focus on the Family, a non-profit Christian organization based here in Colorado. I know that this is the next step that God has for me. I don't have a peace about doing anything else.There are still many details that need to be taken care of, but I am beyond excited. I am experiencing many different emotions really, but excitement is definitely the strongest. 

I have no idea why God has told me to go, but I'm going. I wasn't able to include all the little details in here about the decision because I honestly didn't want to type it all out...I'm lazy, but God is good and completely trustworthy. That pretty much sums it up. 

There are so many things to be grateful for in this season of my life, and I am looking forward to a summer full of fundraising, vacation, sweet time with family and friends, and weddings, weddings, weddings!!!!

Let me turn down my music.

Okay so...heaven. It's real. Now that we have that settled, can anyone relate when I say I get overwhelmed when I think about it?

If you know me at all, you know I over think EVERYTHING. And I truly mean everything. On a side note; I'm about to lose my patience with the "k" key on my keyboard...so if there are "k"s missing randomly from words you know why. Back to what I was saying...

I remember lying awake at night when I was 10 or 11 just thinking about time...and how there won't be time in heaven. Well... what are we supposed to do forever? What am I supposed to do without time? And honestly at this point in my life, I can't even fathom that there may be a time when I won't need my planner. I would cry to my mom about how I just didn't now if I can handle forever...just honest thoughts of a preteen. But honestly I still feel like that sometimes. As Christians that's what we are supposed to be looking forward to, but at times I find myself grasping this life a little tighter because the idea of heaven is just too much and I guess there is this looming fear that it may not be as good as it sounds. I know that doubting heaven's, for a lack of a better word, awesomeness is super not cool, but I refuse to believe that every Christian hasn't had that thought at some point in their life. But I know heaven is better. I know it's best...because I trust God.

As I was approaching graduation last year, I found myself praying more and more for a desire for heaven. And as I was struggling to understand the pattern society says I am supposed to follow and live by, I truly understand that there's no way this can be our home. My last week of school I was driving to an interview, and so of course I spent the whole 2 hour drive over-analyzing my life to the point of panic. I was just feeling a little overwhelmed with all the unknowns and expectations that I felt were being placed on me, but I also kept asking "why?" Why is this how things work? Why do we go to school for what feels like 100 years then spend the rest of our lives working to pay bills and then maybe have some left over for something fun on the weekend? WHY?! Well unfortunately, I don't quite have a good answer for that one, other than that's the society I was born into, but I also realized as I was struggling to understand that concept that the reason it was so foreign to me is because as a Christian, this is not my home.

I will gladly become a healthy, functioning member of society as I seek to follow the Lord in whatever capacity, but THIS IS NOT IT. The reason my heart doesn't feel satisfied thinking about "growing up" is because those things aren't meant to make me feel fulfilled and praise be to God that He doesn't let those things satisfy us because we would never find Him on our own.

Many of the awesome pastors and people who I have been blessed to learn from lately have really caught my attention with some of the new and fresh perspectives they can offer on heaven. The young adults ministry I attend in Dallas recently went through a dating series, and one of the statements the pastor made was (maybe not in these exact words) "some of you are like, 'I want Jesus, a husband, and donuts.'" And all of us women in the congregation agreed with him. That's most likely something that  has come out of my mouth before in a conversation...I can definitely say that, "I want donuts," is one of my most frequently used sentences, but he went on to say "when did heaven stop being good enough?" You may get so many awesome things here on earth, but if you don't, so what? You get heaven! You get Jesus! That was a slap in the face for some of us. How dare we desire anything but that.

Then again this past Sunday, the pastor at my home church continued preaching through Philippians. Of course, in comparison to Paul we always feel super lame, but then he pulls a Paul and encourages the heck out of us. Anyway, I guess for some reason or another I had never heard the fact that Paul got a glimpse of heaven. I believe this is inferred from Paul's statements in 2 Corinthians 12. As I began thinking about it, it made sense. The reason Paul said that dying would be gain is because he understood what eternity with Jesus is compared to this life. With a better understanding of the life to come, this one becomes so irrelevant yet so much more vital as we seek to make sure as many people as possible know that THIS IS NOT IT and THERE IS MORE, and THAT 'MORE' is JESUS.

And in the most recent installment of my thoughts on heaven, today I as I was driving I saw this awesome cloud covering the sun and all the rays were exploding from the edges of the cloud. It caught me off guard and blinded me a bit as I saw it, and I could not help but think of Christ returning. Then...GET THIS. I actually had this thought for a split second; "I should turn the radio down because I may not be able to hear the trumpet..." I don't know if I just had a dumb moment (which is very likely) or if it was just a reflection of my small view of God. Like as if I'd have to say, "Umm...God, could you sound the trumpet again? My music was way too loud. I couldn't hear it..."

That may be quite possibly the worst way to end this blog post so let me close by saying this;

He is far greater. Rest in that. We may not understand eternity or even our lives today, but everyday and for the rest of eternity WE GET JESUS.

A Year Without Clothes...Wait, What?

For reasons that were not exactly clear to me, I made the decision this time last year to challenge myself to not purchase any clothes in 2013. At first, it was something silly and fun that no one, including myself, thought would actually happen, but then it turned into a huge practice of self control. 

I have never been that much of a shopper. I wore a uniform to school starting in 7th grade so I had no reason to be a fashionista. It was not until I got to college that I realized how important a wardrobe is. I partly have Megan Webb to thank for for that. :) 

Well anyway, I had seen my shopping habits become a little bit obnoxious. I was buying things I didn't need just because they were cheap and sometimes next to nothing. That realization led me to challenge myself this past year. I look back now and say that it was easy, but I can remember now sometimes when I literally felt overwhelmed by my desire to buy clothes. I had a set of rules that I had made for myself to follow to keep me in line and keep me from making exceptions on impulse.

Rules:

1. Cannot purchase any clothing for myself. 

2. Cannot wear clothes bought for me by anyone else until the new year. 

         (I tried to make most of my family aware of this rule, but some of them did not listen so I have some              clothes they bought for me sitting in my closet in a bag just waiting to be worn.)

3. If clothes are offered to me for free, I am allowed to take them. 

         (I now realize how cheap this makes me look, but I had good intentions.) 

4. I am allowed to buy clothes for others. 

5. Shoes are considered clothing.

6. Accessories are allowed. 

         (I made this rule to keep me from going crazy. I only purchased a few accessories this year.)

There were a few times in my journey that I really struggled. The first came when I went with a friend to what I thought was going to be a mall trip. Malls don't really interest me because most of the items are full price. It's the deals that I struggle with. :) This "mall" actually was a mall that had been shut down and nearly everything was less than $10. I literally had to sit in a chair and texted people to keep my mind off of the clothes and shoes. I was going crazy. There were hundreds of items that I wanted and couldn't have. I eventually made my way to the housewares section and bought a couple plates and mugs. 

There were sometimes I had to make some exceptions. I had to buy black shorts for my job with the Grand Prairie AirHogs this summer. I also bought an AirHogs tshirt as a memory, and that time I had completely forgotten about my challenge. I felt bad, but I just told myself not to wear it until the new year. 

My brother came home one day with some awesome Texas Ranger shorts and shirt. He thought that if he bought them for me I would wear them...I haven't. They are sitting in my closet...that was a dark time as well. 

It was also difficult when I started working out and wanted to buy some good workout clothes...but again, I refrained. 

I learned a lot this year. It made me realize how many clothes I have. It's an unnecessary amount. I am in the process of going through all of it. Most of them are from Goodwill and cost me less than $5 a piece, but I still am uncomfortable with the amount of clothes I have. This year allowed me to watch the trends come and go. I have been able to see what I actually like rather than buy based on fad and impulse. I also saved a lot of money that I was able to put to better purposes. I was able to build up my savings a bit as well. I honestly can't believe I made it a whole year. I am going shopping today, and I don't know if I am going to be able to purchase anything without feeling weird about it. I spent an entire year telling myself no. But needless to say, I'm ready to do a little bit of shopping today.