When I look back on my life this past year I am on the verge of feeling depressed. If I could describe what this year was for me in one word it would be selfish. I took and took and took. That's all I did. It disgusts me to even think about it honestly.
I ended Senior year just worrying about money, school, and work. I worked during the summer at a church camp yeah...but that was for money as well. So how selfless could that be? Not very. But it was a huge growing experience for me and God allowed me to build so many friendships there.
Then this school year I told myself that I deserved a break and needed to be fed spiritually...wow! A break?! Really?! From what?! God?! It sounds so weird thinking about it. I took a break from God. And I didn't get fed at all because I didn't put myself in the position to grow. I didn't have a small group or any sort of group I leaned on to help me grow or help others grow. Unfortunately, I think a lot of us do the same thing. We sit back and say, "I've done enough. It's time to let others do the work for a bit." The truth is we are only hurting ourselves. We miss out on the joy of being used by God.
Another thing I did this year was wake up with no purpose but the fact that I had to go to class haha or for some of us it's work. Our purpose everyday in waking up is to glorify God. All these other things we do are worldy things. They are nothing eternally.
My thoughts are all over the place right now! AHH!
I just found myself going from place to place in my own little world, making myself busier than I actually was, ignoring the people around me, and so on just to avoid what I feel God calls me to do. I'm supposed to share as I go. Love people as I go. I can honestly say I did known of that. Countless times I went into stores and encountered people that God has placed in my life at that certain time and I ignored the opportunity and told myself that God would lead someone else to them. They would find out someway.
I just really encourage you (and myself included in all this) live a life that's selfless. We hear it all the time, but we constantly make excuses and find ways around it. Surround yourself with other believers to strengthen you and help you grow. And as you grow, go! The number one thing is to be available to what God is ready to do. Don't limit what He can do and say, "There's no way God would have me do that." No one would have ever imagined God sending Jesus Christ down through a young virgin. Mary was ready. She didn't make excuses. She allowed God to work in her life and use her to grow His kingdom.