When the Sun Goes Down and the Lights Burn Out

It's 1:45, and I am sleeping in my apartment for the last time. All my stuff is packed and ready to go, and it still hasn't hit me. I can't even begin to imagine what this summer has been for me. In approximately 2 hours I will be getting up to drive with one of my room mates to the airport here in the Springs. Everyone will be leaving tomorrow, and it just doesn't seem like reality. The tears have already started flowing, but I find that I tend to grow numb at times like this because it's easier that way. However, I know the reality that awaits me at home. When I get back to Texas they won't be there. We will literally be spread all across the United States...and Canada :) I think facing regrets when I go back home is something that has been on my mind. It's easier to evaluate situations once you're out of them and that's when I tend to learn. Colorado has treated me well, minus the fact that it was one of the hottest summers on record. At least there wasn't humidity...that's a plus.


I can't even begin to organize my thoughts right now. I have read a gazillion books, written a a trillion journals, and thought almost constantly. But right now I'd just like to scratch the surface and not go too deep. Crazy stuff tends to find its way into blogs when I decide to write this early in the morning...or late in the night...I don't know...


I'm excited about going back to Texas. While I love Colorado, it's not home. I'm sure I'll be taking that back once I burn my hand on my steering wheel, but for now I will remain in delusion. It's easy for me to think of all the reasons I don't want to leave because this summer has been an awesome experience, but I am trying to "focus" on the positive reasons for returning home. Here are a few:


1. chicken express sweet tea
2. I don't have to sit at stoplights for hours.
3. I can see where the roads are going for miles, and if there's a turn they warn a girl! I kind of have to guess where the roads here are gonna go next. 
4. I am looking forward to not making awkward eye contact with a particular mustang owner who lives at our apartment complex. He always seems to be out working on that thing, and I always manage to make the situation uncomfortable.
5. SNOWCONES! I WANT A STINKIN SNOWCONE! 
6. Ranger games
7. This is gonna be super gross, but the air makes your nose produce boogers at a crazy rate. Not that I have experience in this personally. I've just heard rumors. 
8. WHAT.A.BURGER.
9. MY BED.
10. Howard Payne
11. I am able to say that I am going to get a coke, and people don't judge me and question me when I come back with a Dr. Pepper. It's all coke people!


It is way too late for me to be doing this, and I can't even remember half of what I have written, but this has been a great summer that I would love to talk to any of you about. 


I have quite a few things hanging over my head right now, and Satan is already trying to stress me out to an unhealthy extreme. I always hate giving him credit, but let's be realistic. 


I am so excited about all that God has taught me. I can't believe how ignorant and naive I was about so many things. I had such a pride coming in thinking I knew everything there was to know about being a Christian since I was saved so young. As if, Gabi. I have been humbled countless times this summer and realize more and more every day how insignificant I am and yet how significant God has made me. It's a concept that I will probably never understand, but I know those days when I doubt and don't understand I have to fight back with truth. I don't care what lies Satan is trying to tease me with...I choose Jesus. 

Another Fifty

1. I just woke up from a beautiful nap in which I did not set an alarm. Praise Jesus!
2. I'm stinkin hungry.
3. I'm craving Chick-Fil-A.
4. I'm learning that Texas is not America despite popular belief. However, I can see us forming our own nation within the next 10 years if things don't start looking up. Sounds like a plan to me.
5. I have grown in my patience with the lengthy red lights here in the Springs. Not a fan, but I don't yell anymore...or roll my eyes.
6. I miss home. Never thought it would be possible with the beauty of Colorado, but it's just not Texas.
7. I have been saying soda more. #annoying. What's soda?
8. I don't think I'm a fan of backpacks anymore. Long story.
9. I'm starting to get concerned because I am still out of breath when I get to my apartment. Surely I should be used to the altitude by not. There's no way it could be connected to the fact that I may be out of shape.
10. I'm pretty confident that Instagram is my favorite app.
11. I'm also craving Chinese food...and Mexican food...and possibly Italian...ehh I'll taking anything right now to be honest.
12. I got a brand new pair of J-Crew shorts at Goodwill for $6. Holla!!!!!
13. I've read more books about marriage in the past week than I have in my entire life.
14. Did you know Abraham Lincoln's wife was not a pleasant woman? No wonder he ran this country so well. He knew the meaning of commitment.
15. I'm going to an Owl City concert Sunday...nbd. Physch! BIG STINKIN DEAL!
16. Fact: There are over a gazillion churches in Colorado Springs.
17. Fact: I have been to 5 of them.
18. Over half the things in my closet are from Goodwill.
19. I love Pizza Thursday's at Focu!
20. If I could be any super hero I wouldn't be Captain America because as you all know, I consider him to be potential marriage material. I think he may be a little old and possibly fictional, but those two things have yet to be confirmed.
21. I only have two weeks left in Colorado... seriously....
22. I'm a huge fan of strawberries. I eat them way to fast.
23. If I could eat a smoothie for every meal I totally would.
24. Btdubbs...I'm pretty much a pro at making smoothies.
25. I bought a present for Lillie yesterday. This is my way of seeing if she reads my blog.
26. I really like giraffes. I was thinking about it the other day, and like seriously how cool are they?!?! (The answer is pretty cool.)
27. I can't wait for The Dark Knight Rises to come out. Is that the title? I would google it, but this comptuer seems to hate computing.
28. It's a daily struggle to not buy gifts for people. I mean cause who doesn't love getting gifts?
29. My family will be here in 2 weeks! PARTAYYYYYY!
30. I really would like to go on a cruise at some point in my life.
31. I haven't made my bed in over 2 weeks.
32. I have a funny story about peanut butter if you'd like to hear it sometime.
33. I really hope I didn't leave out a number. I'm too lazy to check.
34. I miss the Texas heat until it gets hot.
35. Did that last one make sense?
36. For some weird reason a flamingo just popped into my head.
37. I really wish I liked coffee...I really do.
38. I like water. I'm definitely a fan.
39. I miss my momma's sweet tea.
40. This was going to be another thought about food, but I changed my mind.
41. My nails are pretty much always painted...except for when they're not.
42. Ya know...I really like Spotify.
43. My feelings get a little hurt when I don't get a text message all day.
44. I'd like to have more phone conversations rather than sending texts.
45. I need a haircut.
46. I'm too cheap to get one.
47. I still have a paper due tonight.
48. Believe it or not I am not any closer to finishing the book than I was when I started this blog.
49. Oh any of you who know me will find this funny. I'm an introvert! Ha. Go figure right?!
50. I really need to go finish my book.

:)

I Am Nothing

If you have been to more than one wedding in your lifetime there is no doubt you have heard 1 Corinthians 13 or “The Love Chapter.” We often use this chapter to measure how much we love or don’t love the person we are dating, engaged to, or married to. Well believe it or not this chapter, while applicable to, is not limited to a marriage. Yeah, I was shocked too. Kinda. I mean I knew it wasn’t just about couples, but I had never applied it to my friendships and the way I love people.

As we stood and read the chapter as a class the other day I was almost giggling to myself because I could see where I had failed in every single one of the love areas that week. I was giggling to keep from crying because it was actually quite sad haha. Oh the irony. Anyway, I have tried to be more aware of how my actions reflect love. I am working on memorizing the attributes to keep in my head so I can filter my actions through them so I that they are loving and reflect God’s nature. That’s a lot of work. It doesn’t come natural…that’s for sure. I think my main problem is that I try to love people on my own. Well, I’m beginning to realize that it takes a pursuit of God and the Holy Spirit to empower me to love people. We all know it is against our nature to be selfless…especially in a world that is currently popularizing the phrase “I’m just gonna do me.” Yeah…that’s never really worked out for anyone. Don’t think I’ve never thought like that! I still think like that at times! I battle that mindset daily. Especially when people we care and love most hurt us, it is easy to want to slip into a mentality that is self-centered. After all these years of being a Christian, I am realizing why I have this emptiness and find that no matter how hard I try to grow closer I feel like something is missing. That would be love. I tend to get caught up in the dos and don’ts of Christianity that I fail to follow the greatest commandment.

In all reality I should be able to fill in my name for love. There are times where I display love accurately, but for the most part I struggle. Of all the things that convicted me in this passage was this,

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I AM ONLY A RESOUNDING GONG OR A CLANGING CYMBAL. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I AM NOTHING. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I GAIN NOTHING.

Bottom line is I am nothing if I do not love. Wow. A resounding gong is annoying…and I’m not too fond of a clanging cymbal. I don’t want to be either of those.

No wonder I feel distant from God: I’m missing the key ingredient. I am extremely thankful and admire those people who have loved me in spite of myself. I know I’m not the most lovable creature. Thankfully God surrounds me with people who understand and live out His love better than I do. Realizing that I am not a loving person by nature isn’t the easiest thing to swallow, but it just proves to me more and more how much I really need a Savior.

Here’s a link to 1 Corinthians 13 if you would like to read it! http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20corinthians%2013&version=NIV